‘To msg or to keep swiping’ is the new ‘To Be or Not to Be’

It was 2 am on a Wednesday night. I was on FaceTme with a friend ranting about my hectic week. Our daily calls are pretty much always during ungodly hours given the fact that he lives right on the other side of the world and our waking hours overlap for only about 30 minutes each day.

On this day I was ranting about how I’m sleep deprived and always exhausted when he cuts in – download Tinder.

Me: What?
M: Download Tinder and meet new people. You have not been going on dates for a while now.
Me: It’s a hook up app. I’m not looking for flings.
M: It’s what you make of it. Download it and give it a chance.
Me: No. It’s scary. What if I match with a serial killer? What if I get kidnapped? What if I get killed?
M: Just chat with them, don’t meet them till you feel sure that they are not serial killers. And then meet them for coffee in broad daylight. We are not as bad as you girls think we are. Just download it already.

So, I did.

I lasted all 3 days on the app and below are some of the many thoughts I had while being on it.

– It reduces you to 5 images and 500 words. Definitely not enough to know if you would enjoy an evening with someone.

– It’s like a mindless fun game that is strangely addictive.

– If a guy is too hot, my instant reaction was to cross him out. Somehow we/ I have learned to believe that super attractive guys are very likely to be players. Generalisation and judgment galore, yes – but stereotypes form for a reason and I was not willing to go out and find out who’s an exception.

– I realised if a person only had selfies in their images, it was somehow a turn off for me. Self-love is great, narcissism, not so much.

– I took an instant liking to founders/ co-founders/ self-employed and people who seem to be playing some musical instrument in their photos!

– I was instinctively being very observant of the backgrounds in the photos, sometimes even more than the subject himself. I wanted to see his living space or the kind of place he hangs out at.

– What if I were a lesbian? Why was Tinder not showing me any female profiles?

– I didn’t quite like the idea of being shown who our mutual friends are on Facebook. I do realise this can be a handy feature in certain contexts, but I was not too keen on it.

– Gym selfies got the quickest left swipe.

– I swiped left just out of habit a few times – more like my thumb was in the momentum of left swiping and my eyes were working slower than my thumb – and you can’t go back unless you pay for a price plan.

– I SUPER LIKED SOMEONE BY MISTAKE. -_- I CANT EVEN TINDER CORRECTLY.
Thank God there is a way to ‘unmatch’. I could finally breathe again…but then I started feeling really bad. The guy must have been excited to see a notification that someone had super liked him, only to open the app to find that the super-liker had changed their mind. (Sorry, random Tinder guy, my thumb is to be blamed, it got lazy and hit the blue star by mistake.) 😦

And then, I got bored of the app and deleted it.

PS: I’m going to order my crazy-cat-lady-kit later on today.

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